Habits of a Happy Husband Part II

Last year around this time I wrote a post about habits I learned from my first year of marriage (Habits of a Happy Husband). I greatly benefit from those principles and now I wish to add more lessons I have learned during my second year of marriage.

1. Seek to understand then be understood 

This is a principle from Stephen Covey's book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a principle of listening. We all have two ears and one mouth, but sometimes we use our mouth twice as much as our ears. I have learned to shut my mouth and not just listen with my ears but listen with an open heart. If you rearrange the letters in LISTEN you get SILENT. That makes all the difference. Learn to listen to your spouse.

2. Show appreciation for your spouse

This is more than just showing appreciation for the things your spouse does. Rather, it's showing appreciation for who they are as a person and as your spouse. Take time to look your spouse in the eyes and appreciate them for their character. Saying things like "I love how your smile brightens up my day" or "I love  your passion for helping others" will make them feel valued and appreciated as a spouse. They need to feel that everyday.

3. Fall in Love Everyday

This was crucial for me and my wife. There was a point in our marriage that we were just going through marital motions. It felt like we were just living together rather than being married together. We love each other but we hadn't fallen in love for a while. We found some ways to fall in love again and we try to do this consistently.

These are simple and practical habits to develop. I am not perfect at them, but I try my best to be the best husband to my wife. I know that she is doing her best to be the best wife to me. We simply do the best with what we know and strive to be better every day. 

3 Ways to Fall in Love with Your Spouse Again

Marriage is wonderful and beautiful. However, sometimes we find ourselves in marital ruts that takes the "merry" out of being married. In my own marriage I have used these principles to get out of those ruts and bring the beauty back into marriage.

Show Your Gratitude for Your Spouse

This is different than just telling your spouse thank you for doing the dishes or folding the laundry. It's validating them as your spouse. Give them honest and sincere appreciation for who they are as your spouse rather than what they do. Sometimes I'll tell my wife, "I'm so grateful that you're my wife" or "You're such a great housewife." It makes her smile and that makes me happy.

Reminisce 

Take a trip down memory lane. This is one of my favorite things to do with my wife. The other day we had a look at a photo album and it was really neat to see all the fun things we had done together. When we retrace our life's journey together we're reminded of the moments that brought us closer together. Feelings of love and closeness fill our hearts as we fall in love again.

Tell Them Why You Love Them TODAY 

It's very common to rush through love. "I love you" is our script as either one of us leaves the house and it's almost mechanical and past feeling. Understandably, life can get hectic and we're either late for school or an important meeting, but let's not lose sight of our most important priority: our spouses. Don't burn out the love in your relationship with the pedal to the metal, but simply enjoy the ride with them. Take them in your arms and tell them why you love them today. This will rekindle love's fire and bring you two closer together. 

Habits of a Happy Husband

Don't Change from Prince Charming to King Couch Potato. Continue in courtship. 

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Whoever they are, I don't know what they are talking about. My first year of marriage, I don't want to say it was a breeze and that it was the easiest thing I have ever done, but I will say that it takes work to have a happy and fun first year of marriage. There are certain habits and practices that need to be developed in that critical first year to produce a happy husband and a happy marriage.

First, don't be lazy. Do you remember the work you put into dating and to winning your sweetheart? After working so hard to take her to the altar, it doesn't mean you stop working when you leave it. Don't change from Prince Charming to King Couch Potato. Continue in courtship. Make her fall in love with you everyday. Don't let the charm die. The real work begins on day one of marriage. 

Second, learn to laugh. Life would be so dull if no one laughed. There is nothing better than laughing together with your spouse. On one occasion my wife and I were getting ready for bed and we were brushing our teeth. Her toothbrush is purple and mine is pink. I don't know how I mixed up those colors but I found myself using hers. We both didn't realize it until I was almost finished brushing my teeth. She could not stop laughing, and either could I. It took us a while to calm down before we finally fell asleep. Laugh together. It's always fun.

Third, continue to serve your wife. True happiness comes from putting your wife's needs above your own. Find ways to serve your wife everyday. I remember one day when I was walking home from school, I thought to myself, "What can I do for my wife today that will make her happy?" The thought came to do the dishes. So, I came home and did the dishes right away. When she came home she was so happy and grateful that she didn't have to do the dishes. It was a big relief for her and this in return made me happy. Remember to serve your wife.

Fourth, look for the good in your wife, ALWAYS! There will be moments when you want to critique or judge your wife. Bite your tongue and don't even think about it. Push such shameful thoughts aside and find the good in her. Once you have found it, magnify it. Compliment her on what she is doing. Express sincere gratitude for her and what she does as your wife. This also means that you never talk bad about her when you are with your buddies or with anyone else for that matter. If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

Fifth, forgive often. I believe that this habit is the most important one to develop. I firmly believe that forgiving each other often will bring a husband and wife closer than anything else in a marriage. Forgiveness fills holes of grief and sorrow, and fortifies your marriage into a stronghold. It shows your wife that you truly, sincerely care for them. It expresses true love and helps your marriage become whole and complete. I think for men, we need to seek forgiveness more often, but remember to return the favor to your wife.

These habits are not specifically tailored for husbands, but can be applied for both husband and wife. There is one common lesson taught in each of these principles. Marriage is never about you. The more that you invest your love, your time, and your attention to your wife, the more happy you both will be. Your happiness depends upon the habits you develop to make your wife happy. You're a team now. Her joys are your joys and her sorrows are your sorrows. You've become best friends. You have rings to prove it. You are her number one fan. Don't let anyone else interfere. Develop these habits and a happy husband you will be and happy wife you will have.

What are some habits that you have developed in your marriage that has made it strong? Leave your comments below.